How I went from struggling to conceive to being a fertility coach

I have always had a type-A personality. Maybe it’s because I was born a twin and was always battling being compared to my sibling - but something in me has always had the drive to compete. I have always strived to be at the top. I grew up as an athlete, I was student body president, I finished my bachelor and masters degrees at my dream school, and landed my dream job at the Walt Disney Company. Life was always what I made it.

When it came to getting pregnant, I proceeded as I always did: try my hardest, do my best, and succeed. But I quickly found out that it wasn’t always easy for women to get pregnant. After four months of trying, I went to my doctor and demanded answers. She looked at me and said, “You’re young. Just relax and it will happen.” I went and found a new doctor after that.

I learned that most physicians will not begin fertility testing until after you’ve been trying to conceive for 12 months or longer. So - with my new doctor, I lied and said that we had been trying for over a year. Now, I do not recommend this strategy, but I felt desperate for answers. To my surprise she believed me and started testing my hormone levels. She also recommended that I use an ovulation predictor at home to determine if I was ovulating. This was the first time I had ever heard that women can only conceive during ovulation - a 12-24 hour period of time each cycle when the egg is released. I also learned that for some women, ovulation never happens.

To my surprise all of my tests came back normal. The ovulation predictors were working too - but they were getting expensive to buy each month. At this point, I was 12 months in - still not pregnant and still no answers. And - sex was starting to become a chore. Rather than making love, we were scheduling sex around the ovulation predictor and it became pretty stressful.

I went back to my doctor and asked what else I could do. She suggested a few, more invasive, tests that would check my fallopian tubes and egg count. I learned that fallopian tubes can be blocked without any symptoms. I scheduled an exam at my local hospital and went alone. I learned the hard way not to go to these procedures alone. I’ll spare you the details - but it was one of the hardest points in my fertility journey.

And guess what… all of the results came back normal. I was full of eggs, had no blocks in my fallopian tubes, and no explanation for my infertility. I will never forget the day my doctor looked at me and said, “We don’t know why you are infertile.” Something in me shut down - partially to her words because I didn’t believe them. Partially to myself because it hurt so bad to think that I couldn’t get pregnant. I could do anything - I always had done everything I put my mind to, so why wasn’t it working this time? I had been trying for two years and my doctor referred me to a fertility specialist to explore the options of IUI and IVF. I learned that these assisted reproductive technologies are the recommended next step when trying to conceive. I also learned that I couldn’t afford them.

My partner and I started attending training for our state’s foster-to-adopt program. We felt that if the universe was not going to give us a pregnancy, then maybe we were meant to adopt a child instead. We learned a lot in these last six months of our journey. We learned that the chances of being placed with a newborn were very low in the foster-to-adopt program, and we were not ready to adopt an older child because we had not experienced parenthood. We decided to stop trying and start living our lives again. We planned to buy a condo and travel a lot - it actually fit my personality very well.

It was shortly after that that we got pregnant. Everyone always wants to know what it was that finally worked - and the truth is, I have no idea. We had made so many changes to our lifestyle to boost fertility. We tested so many hormones. We tried prescription medication to stimulate ovulation. We added lots of holistic practices including yoga, acupuncture and chiropractic care. I cannot say what it was, but I can say that I learned a lot. After the first two years of motherhood, I continued to think about my journey. I still had questions and still wondered why it took me so long to get pregnant.

I sought out a certificate from The Midwifery Institute to learn more about fertility and started supporting women on their path to pregnancy. Today, I run a full fertility coaching business where I support women in finding answers to their infertility. We navigate the emotional roller coaster together and I provide tons of research on practical ways to boost fertility. My journey has come full circle and what I learned is that most women don’t know how to bridge the gap between wanting to become a mom and getting pregnant. My goal is  to bridge this gap for as many women as I can - and so far, it’s working!